Dear Unforgiving Teen, 
By Tyler Hodges, LMFT, Teen Therapist
Let’s be real, being a teenager can suck. You are stuck between wanting your freedom and being trapped by the rules of the world. Whether those rules are from your parents, your peer group, or society. At times, it may feel like everything around you was built to go against you. Most often this leads to you putting those overwhelming feelings of frustration, sadness, disappointment, maybe even rage towards yourself or towards those around you.
In my experience, these emotions often end up hurting you and your family, especially your parents. When they try to set limits that seem stupid or annoying and childish you fight back against them. When you end up giving in or compromising it feels like you’re on the losing end with the only excuse of “Well, I’m the parent.” Or “You will thank us when you’re older.” And in those moments, you probably just want to tell them to “fuck off.”
These emotions are valid. Being a teen is often not fair. It doesn’t make it right necessarily but it’s a fact. Does that mean you suck it up? To be honest, sometimes life is complicated and there is no perfect solution. However, a thing you can do is learn to share your needs and some of your wants more effectively. Your parents aren’t going to help you if you’re reacting with emotion or holding things against them. You’re old enough to know your parents are human, they are not perfect, and neither are you. So here are some tips to ease your way into adulthood with your parents.
#1: Make sure you’re calm going in if you find yourself getting upset. Maturely let your parents know you need a moment and come back after calming yourself.
#2: LISTEN to what your parents are saying. Generally, if you are willing to hear them out and learn their reasons, you may be more accepting or able to negotiate.
#3: Be willing to negotiate and accept a no. It may feel very important to get The Thing but unfortunately, you may not always get it. So, show acceptance and your parents will be more willing the next time if you can effectively show “I hear you, I don’t love it, but I understand.”
Tyler Hodges, MA, LMFT
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