How to Handle Getting Triggered in Your Relationship

We all get triggered sometimes—it’s part of being human. But triggers don’t come out of nowhere. They’re not caused by what’s happening around us but by old wounds or beliefs we’re still carrying. The good news? Triggers are actually an opportunity to heal and grow. Here’s how to handle them in a way that strengthens your relationship instead of tearing it down.

1. What Triggers Really Mean

When something upsets you, it’s not just about what’s happening in the moment. Your reaction is pointing to something deeper—maybe a past hurt, an insecurity, or an old belief that’s still lingering. Instead of blaming the situation or your partner, recognize that this is a chance to understand yourself better.

2. Two Kinds of Tools for Triggers

Not every moment is the right time for deep healing. That’s why it helps to know which tools to use and when.

🔹 In the Moment (When You’re Triggered)

• Your only goal here is to calm yourself down. This is not the time to analyze or fix anything.
• Try grounding techniques like deep breathing, taking a walk, or stepping away for a moment to collect yourself.
• The key is to get your nervous system back to a steady place.

🔹 After You’ve Calmed Down (When You’re Ready to Reflect)

• Once you and your partner are both in a good place, take time to reflect on what happened.
• Ask yourself: What exactly set me off? What old belief or fear might be behind this?
• This is the moment for growth—where you can start untangling the deeper roots of your reaction.

3. How to Support Each Other Through Triggers

✔️ When your partner is triggered – Don’t jump into problem-solving mode. They don’t need advice; they need to feel safe. Offer them space, a hug, or just listen. Ask, What do you need right now?

✔️ When you’re triggered – Be clear about what you need to feel okay again. Maybe you need some space, reassurance, or just a moment to breathe. Let your partner know.

4. Reflection & Healing: Moving Forward Together

Once you’re both calm, take time to look back at what happened. Ask yourself:

• What exactly set me (or my partner) off?
• What old wound or belief might be behind this reaction?

Then, work together to challenge and rewrite those beliefs. Healing isn’t about avoiding triggers—it’s about facing them and working through them so they don’t have the same hold on you.

5. The Bigger Picture of Healing

Over time, as you work through your triggers, they’ll lose their power. Things that used to set you off won’t feel so heavy anymore. That leads to more closeness, trust, and ease in your relationship.

6. Healing Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Growth happens in layers. Just when you think you’ve healed one thing, a new layer might show up. That’s normal. The important thing is to keep showing up, doing the work, and supporting each other along the way.

Your relationship isn’t about avoiding problems—it’s about learning to navigate them together. Keep going. You’ve got this!